Widowhood and sexuality.

Is that allowed?
Longing for closeness and touch,
although my partner of many years has recently passed away. How to deal with it? Who to talk to about it? 

When our ex-Federal President Roman Herzog remarried soon after the death of his wife, the frown of the Republic could be heard loudly. That people continue to have erotic and sexual needs after losing their long-term partner is taboo in our society. For older people, many even find the idea offensive. 

As human beings, we are always bodies. We live in and through our bodies. Physical closeness and physical exchange belong to our basic needs, which do not cease either in old age or after the death of a beloved partner. In our monogamous culture, however, sexual fidelity beyond death is apparently still considered a virtue. 

If my partner dies, it is not only the person with whom I shared my ideas, dreams and problems, with whom my innermost feelings were familiar, who is missing. The person with whom I experienced my physicality most intensely is also missing. Not only is sexuality missing in the narrower sense, but also tenderness, touch and being held. This means I can no longer live an essential part of my humanity. 

People react very differently to the death of their loved ones. Some feel numb as if cut off from their bodily needs. For others, the desire for physical closeness and sex is unchanged or even more pronounced.

All these reactions are „normal“ and „right“! 

I think it is essential for those affected to find people to talk to about the currently bothering them, including their erotic and sexual desires. In doing so, it is crucial to refrain from remarks like: „Oh already …! 

I believe that every person has the right and the ability to enter into a new fulfilling, loving partnership after losing a life partner.

You, too, are free to follow your feelings with appreciation and interest.

As one of the few active coaches with more than 50 years of experience, I offer you my entire repertoire of competencies.