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​Suddenly single

Now I’m alone! What else am I?
When your life partner dies or separates, you suddenly find yourself in a different world. Everything feels empty, and the pain of the loss dominates everything.

When the emptiness slowly lifts, which begins after a few days or weeks, the question arises of who or what I am apart from the fact that I am now alone. Until now, I was only in a relationship with my partner, and now my counterpart is missing. My world is out of balance, and I need to regain its balance. Working on this can take months to years. Outside help may also be indicated.

Slowly it becomes clear that although now alone, I am still ME, a person with pain and also with wishes, dreams and abilities. These may have changed, but they are still what I can do, what I want and what I dream of. I am still all of these and can take care of using what I can and realising what I want and dream of. This is true even though I am alone now; some things are even true because I am alone now.

For example, there is my complete freedom, also the freedom to choose place and time. I can do what I want, I can go where I want, and I can do it whenever I want. The ties that I have loved and that have supported and strengthened me no longer exist. There is no longer any need to coordinate what I am going to do and what I am doing.

Activities that I neglected to take care of for many years because otherwise I would have had to do without my wife’s company during that time, I can now take up again without at the same time causing myself a loss.

I am forced to make new social contacts if I don’t want to live a lonely life. As a result, I meet new interesting people and am kindly nudged to leave some of my well-worn and familiar paths to explore new things.

It is clear that I will have to cope with the loss of the love of my life for the rest of my days. It is also clear that I still have a life ahead of me that I can shape for the better and that I can also enjoy. I sincerely hope that other people in my situation will recognise these opportunities as well as I do. And that they add a positive side to their grief for the years to come.