Is it ok, that I enjoy my life

even though I’m crying for the love of my life?

I often think about how other people, especially older men who have lost their partners, deal with this situation. 

When I meet people who have not seen me for a long time but who know about the death of my wife, I am often asked with a serious face: „And how are you? This question always triggers strange feelings in me because I don’t know what to answer. Should I respond with genuine sympathy or report how I am now? 

I then always decide to explain my dilemma and then respond to both aspects of the question:

„I miss her endlessly, and I miss her
and
I am doing very well at the moment. I have lots to do, and I’m making the most of my new-found freedom!“ 

When I compare myself with my mother, who was in the same situation as me, I see that she dealt with the time of widowhood quite differently. She waited for ten years for her to die too. Our attempts to encourage her to enjoy the rest of her life were in vain. 

I can allow the grief for my loved one and the joy of my current life at the same time. I did not expect this and am therefore very grateful that I can handle my situation this way. 

One of my friends, who is the same age as me, lost his wife a few years ago. When he met a new love, he was initially insecure because he thought it shouldn’t be like that. In the meantime, they live happily together. 

I am interested in how others, especially those affected, their relatives or counsellors, deal with questions of illness, dying, death and loss. 

I believe that every person can activate the resources that enable them to freely shape their future life in a way that appreciates their deceased love and life in the same way.