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That’s, again, this well-known pattern!

About coaching, our perception and our mistakes. 

One of the biggest problems when working in counselling, coaching and therapy is to consider all the essential influencing factors. 

I remember a colleague who doubted his competence because he could not free his client, a department manager in a printing company, from her fears of her direct superior. 

In a „Coach the Coach“ session, we could establish that he had tried everything that offered itself. We then collected which areas of his client’s life he had already explored with her. 

Understandably, he concentrated mainly on her relationship with her boss and other men. As a result, he could show the vicious circle between fear avoidance behaviour and even greater fear. 

Consequently, he worked with her on ways of thinking and acting to break this vicious circle. But unfortunately, although his client could learn and apply new, more effective ways of thinking and acting, the result remained unsatisfactory. 

As it turned out, however, he had not yet explored the relationship with her husband.

He had already asked about it and learned it was loving and without conflict. 

I then suggested to my coachee to carefully ask her about her sex life in the relationship („How are things between you in the area of romance, eroticism and sexuality?“). 

The next session with the client, in which my coachee raised the issue of sexuality, revealed that the client had been a victim of sexual assault by her father. 

My coachee did not feel sufficiently qualified to deal with the problem, so he referred her to therapy. 

Humans tend to see phenomena in a context or even experience them as causally linked (Phenomenal Causality, Albert Michotte, 1946). We feel strengthened in exactly this perception through the experience,“ I found it“! 

However, it may be that this connection does not exist on the client’s side or only represents a tiny part of what is happening. Our perception is a performance of OUR brain, not reality! 

If coaches train to pay „unfocused“ broad attention, they can improve this innate tendency to misperceive. 

The likelihood of misperception is most effectively reduced by working in teams, with regular supervision, or by „coaching the coach“.


If you feel addressed by this post and would like to talk about it,
then write me a note here on LinkedIn
or give me a call: +49 6703 960 830.